the devil and his ways

I haven't been to church in several weeks.

It's starting to really take effect on my spiritual health, and I don't like that.

At the time, I'm unable to sit for long periods of time on hard surfaces like old wooden benches, which is what my church has, because of back problems. We sit on those benches for hours at a time. A good 4 to 6 hours is spent every Sunday in church, sitting and only occasionally getting up. Even standing can be a problem too, on account of my back.

If I were to go and bring a cushion, I know that I would most likely be told that I can't have one. I find my church has some unusual doctrinal "rules," some of which I can't find any scriptural basis.

I also find myself acting in ways that I know are NOT pleasing with God. The devil of course loves this, and is really trying to get me to slip up. He's even used my Christian friends against me, and their "baditude" as one friend calls it.

But I will not give in.

I also worry, and that is also a sin, because it means I am not trusting the Lord for my needs. (Matthew 6:27)

I also have found myself becoming too comfortable with using foul language, and also harboring bitterness and resentment toward my old church and their congregation and Pastor. The very things I do not wish to do I find myself doing!

I end up worrying that, because I've done so many sinful things, that I have "lost" my salvation and that I will surely end up in hell.

But I know that's a lie. For I am saved by HIS grace, and not of my works. Praise the Lord!!!
Ephesians 2:8-10